As someone who has promoted progressive social, environmental, and governmental issues for over half of my life, I am no stranger to opposition. However, some of the interactions I have been having over the past few weeks have escalated to senseless bickering (over semantics, ideologies, definitions, generalizations, personal attacks, generational attacks, etc.) that seems to end up with both sides walking away feeling unheard, misunderstood, insulted and increasingly frustrated.
These interactions bring to my attention that many of the things we dare to say from behind our screens would never be considered in face-to-face interactions - our mothers taught us better than that. As we realize from our experiences with text messaging, it is very difficult to get the true meaning of our words across through a keyboard; typing all the context of our thoughts is too time consuming and finger-cramping. Speech and spoken dialogue remain much better ways to work through difficult ideas with another person, as monologues and diatribes are reduced and the back-and-forth nature of conversation allows us to come to mutual understanding much more quickly.
The other aspect of fighting with strangers (and friends) on the internet is that neither side seems able to be convinced or persuaded of the merits in the other’s point-of-view. The impetus to stand by your original position (or long-held position) is so strong that no amount of reasoned debate seems to affect the final outcome whatsoever. Everyone just gets madder and madder until the personal insults and jabs start emerging. At that point the “discussion” becomes a colossal waste of everyone’s time and energy.
These interactions also serve to drive a wedge between “sides”, and cause ideologies to separate further apart out of spite, making us distrust and despise the other side more, reinforcing what we can’t stand about opposition, and adding fuel to the already blazing fires of discontent and division.
The obvious response to this is, “Well, maybe I should just stop interacting on Facebook”, or similar resignations as to the futility of it all. But as we witness the injustices and atrocities happening on this planet, turning our backs on the debate of the issues is not an acceptable answer.
So, what is the answer? Honestly, I’m probably not the one to ask, given that this is an issue I’m currently immersed in. I get riled up easily about these things and my better judgement becomes suspended from my furious fury. It’s sometimes a bit embarrassing in retrospect.
The only thing I have come across in reflection on this difficulty, is the principle, and action, of practicing compassion. The understanding that people have lived different lives from me, in different places and at different times, and that we naturally have different ideas about all kinds of things. At the core, we all just want to be respected and heard. We want to enhance and protect our lives and our families. We want to know that we will be involved in the decisions that affect our lives and our world.
How do we achieve this when everyone is so entrenched on a side that the other side becomes tantamount to evil? How can we begin to communicate across these enormous chasms?
If respect and compassion are what people want the most, if those are the lessons in all this, then perhaps the answer is that we need listen more closely; to try and understand what motivation is behind the words we are hearing. Regardless of opinion we must respect a person’s right to their own opinion and uphold their freedom of speech. We must remember to consider other points of view and not hold so tight onto our own opinions that they fail to be relevant to anyone but ourselves.
And so, I will pledge to see you as a reflection of myself, a soul trying likewise to make sense of this world that often makes no sense at all. And I will undertake to harm no one in pursuit of my truth; especially not with careless words spoken in anger and haste.
Beyond this, I will also pledge to turn and walk away from debates that become debased. To accept that not everyone is going to agree on everything, and that’s going to have to be ok. All I can do is speak my truth and leave it out there in hopes it will spread a little light; and not throw shade on the lights that others are trying to shine.
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